Spiritual Respite

The following post is irregular for my writing style and also unique due to the fascinating experience I am living through:

How often do we intentionally create moments of bonding with the people that we have the fondest memories with?  For me, the answer is not enough and the fundamental truth is because I let life live instead of living my life.  How often do we give in to sinking into a couch that can relax the tensest of muscles, or some other sedative vice, instead of practicing discipline life?  How often do we put a foot down on the neck of our fears and explore something we’re curious about?  For some, this isn’t even a problem, but for so many others like myself there is a need for growth, a void that misdirects us from our natural sense of equilibrium with ourselves, the world, or the transcendent.  There is a thirst that can never be quenched with the world and its shallow promises of happiness and takes a life-long-journey to experience. 

For me, I really wish I could be with my family and go hiking with them.  I don’t know how long I will have my parents, or how often I’ll be able to visit my brother.  Every day swiftly transitions into the next, where the potential moments of love, understanding, and memories disappear like tears in rain.  Every day is an opportunity, no matter how constrained by responsibilities and requirements, to open our heart, mind, and soul to God, to others, and to ourselves.

Our identity, our perception of who we are is framed with culture, mores, expectations…programming. Even through the finest of modern enrichments, there still seems to be something that is yet to be explored and experienced through intentional yet un-expectant curiosity.

So basically, there are some things that I have had on my to-do list for a while and I will take them with the spirit of exploring and submission of expectation and open my heart to God.  Is there something you’re afraid of, is there a dream that you have forgotten to exist? 

1st Day Reflections

               At first, I felt awkward as one of the only white people in the presence of a primarily African American youth group, but as I saw my brother Brennen interacting with people different than him, I found the courage to take a chance.  It began with baby-steps, making small talk with a pair of youth at the pool table and then I joined a group of girls in a game of Uno at a booth and after that I joined a group of boys in some basketball.  Something stirred inside me and I found myself having the ability to tap into the language and the humor; I found the common human element.  Perhaps this is the effect of my accumulated experiences with diversity and tolerance for it, perhaps this was purely the power of the Holy Spirit.  Whatever it was, it worked because I could tell I was receiving a considerable amount of respect from the group.  I noticed this during our “God Moment” when I could gracefully quiet the group when someone was sharing their thoughts, which happens often with youth.  To be honest, I feel my heart going out to these youth and this community.  I saw the barriers in their lives by just interacting with them but during our program, I could see beautiful, un-oppressed, and empowered adults with the capacity to change their worlds.  It was similar to seeing a butterfly creeping to the outer part of its cocoon; sheer awe.     

Things we did well:  Elephant Man Game… Building rapport with the youth.  Discussion on expectations for the center, themselves... given it was expectedly quiet.  Thank the volunteers

Things we didn’t do well: Some of the kids weren’t following the rules to the point, we didn’t close on time, we didn’t utilize the volunteers in our “God moment,” some even left at that point (they felt they didn’t have anything to contribute).

Things I wish we did: 

I wish and hope that we can guide these youth in inquiry (something resembling the Socratic method) about themselves and their community.  Often Brennen and I don’t give feedback to kid’s responses or continue the conversation.

Orientation is Almost Done!

The past few days have been occupied with visiting groundbreaking ceremonies for community development centers, visiting Central High and learning about the Little Rock Nine, seminars, training, discussion, and team sharing so that we will serve each other in the coming months.  I wish I could have blogged my thoughts while they were still fresh, but I don’t think it’s possible at this point.

Summarily put, we’ve discussed Esther’s example of sacrifice for the glory of God (in her case it was something as extreme as her body) and the unstoppable power of reconciling love that we called to be a part of.  The overall impression for me from the past few days is that justice work is something we are called to, but as individual churches, we are weak in.  Every church needs to learn that to minister change; we have to work with others in order to have mutual partnership and understanding.  There’s a GBGM commercial showing at UM conferences all over the country that captures what I’m talking about. 

Today however, we started in song with “Amazing Grace” and “This Little Light of Mine” which was a welcomed addition to our routine.

  Next, we had a preacher who is black speak to us about racism, which surprised me; usually I see white people dominating that conversation.  The finer points of this conversation included that in actuality, we see race regularly, and it isn’t something we can claim to be immune to.  Furthermore, we should seek truth in love.  In non-church language, this means we need to be honest and admit our prejudices through long-term dialogue and intention community building.  It is almost noon, but for the rest of the day we are having seminars and then eventually a grill out. 

Our group is tired, we haven’t had much time to freely socialize, and several of us want to go to the pool or just get out of the hotel.  Tomorrow is our sending out day and I am saddened to be leaving the community that has become so tightly-knit.  Each one of these people embody how the church should be, it should be intentional, it should be radically challenging and transformative, and radically loving. 

I have changed from this experience by being instructed to be humble when acting as a leader, seeking the Holy Spirit through silence and faithfulness, and to represent Christ by having an overflowing inner well as described in the story of the Samaritan woman.  Transformation also occurred in our lives specifically through community and sharing.  Such fellowship makes us aware of our weakness and through that comes empowerment.  In Hamburg, I plan on following the model of intentional community, interactive dialogue, tackling the difficult issues of injustice and following with action, and integrating spiritual disciplines in my life but also in the life of larger community.

Signing Out,

Koontz Corner

Day 2 of Orientation: Urban Ministry and Intense Discussions

For the reader: I have been intensely preoccupied and I doubt I will get a blog in every day during orientation.  Thanks in advance for your thoughts and prayers.

    

     Today was rough for me.  But before I get to that, let me tell you about how the day started.  We briefly discussed the intern’s choice to give into people who are psychologically and emotionally demoralizing.  This could take form in someone who is weary from working at a site, someone who has given up, or someone who overvalues control.  These situations aren’t guaranteed to happen, but it was helpful to have an idea of what to do in a bad situation.  We have been asked to form a foundation of scripture, defining moments in our lives, and goals for ourselves as Christians, in order to overcome such challenges.

The rest of the day was dedicated to our ministry with the children of BCD. I can’t tell you what BCD stands for, but essentially it’s a community development program for at risk adolescents.  You can try to prepare for something you’ve never experienced, but you’ll never be fully prepared.  Walking into a room that resembled a not-so-nice cafeteria, we met the adolescents of BCD and things were quiet and slightly awkward for a small amount of time.  Four other interns and myself were responsible for planning activities with a small group of teenagers.  The night before, we formed an activity schedule and it sounded AMAZING, but only 30% of our activities were a hit; it’s a step-by-step process, we’re not going to get everything right the first time.  Even though the first day wasn’t a complete success, I took joy in knowing that I have grown in inter-race relations through this experience and I will continue to do so.  This skill is important because as a body of Christ, we’re pretty segregated.  If there is any hope to achieve our full potential as Christians, the new subtle-racism has to be confronted and multi-racial communities must be sought out. 

               On a sociological note, we were informed by a lecturer that the GI bill which boosted many veterans from WWII with prosperity through access to resources, was only given to a handful of African American soldiers.  I haven’t checked the validity of this, but if true, it would provide a highly plausible reason for why you don’t see too many rich African Americans.  I guess why I am mentioning this is that we have to consider why injustice exists, what events started it.  A lot of people think that giving resources to people of economic & social disadvantage is socialism, but I think that the rich are just scared of a competition.  There may be other reasons for racial economic disparity, but I have a hunch that my previous rationale has quite a bit of truth to it.  A few more classes in politics and history probably wouldn’t hurt.

               My favorite part of the day was dinner, because my colleagues and I shared in several deep conversations.  The topics included but were not limited to ecclesial authority, homosexuality, sin, pre-marital sex, and other conversations which are often held captive in the recesses of our mind out of fear.  I’m not like many of my contemporaries; I value the church’s statements on homosexuality over my own weak rationalizations for why homosexuality is permissible for membership and ordination.  Many people don’t agree with this because our culture demands equality for homosexuality, but as a Christian I hold precedence for the body of Christ and its wisdom, over cultural expectation.  That is not to say however that church and culture shouldn’t be in dialogue, Tillich pretty much covers that in his correlation method.  The reason why our conversations were great was because we healthily expressed our frustrations while also respecting others wisdom and input… God how I wish that happened more often.

Flight to Little Rock

Weather widget set to Little Rock Arkansas...check.  Bags loaded to under fifty pounds... check.  Printed itinerary...um..  CRAP!!!  Always, always, always, always bring a printed itinerary to the front desk at the airport.  I thought that I could just state my name and bada-bing-bada-boom, things would be ready.  Boy was I wrong.  Make you have your flight itinerary with flight numbers, times, locations etc, otherwise you make the process longer and you may be embarrassed like I was.

Never have I ever flown by myself, I've been on several flights on mission trips and vacations but those were always a group function.  Like most  things, its something you get used to over repetition.  As I watched other travelers pass by, I thought that I could have been like one the traveling businessmen, as my father was, but that lifestyle doesn't seem too appealing to me.  The lonely nights in generic hotels, the long hours on the road... all for what?  I'm not knocking these professions, in fact I'm crediting and admiring their endurance and dedication to their trades.

Surprisingly, Subway still holds its five-dollar foot-long in the airport and I have proof (see attached photo)!  This company has been doing a monthly foot-long special and this month is Chipotle chicken.  I had mine on flatbread and tomatos, a fine quality sub-wich!

Samantha and I were both slightly melancholy at the terminal, not because of fear but out of happiness.  I hope that everyone remembers to pray for guidance and spiritual renewal this summer.  Take your little brother to the pool, have a movie night with someone lonely, and do it out of love for God's creation.  Amen!

Pre Internship, Day 2

6-11-11

Today, I woke up feeling just as at peace on a cold floor as mentioned in yesterday’s entry.  My girlfriend and I are still learning each other’s boundaries.  Today I felt overwhelmed but also honored to have her visit me this morning.  I enjoy the challenges with Samantha, something that hasn’t always been the case.  I remember my friend telling me that after dating her boyfriend for a year, there is a time when you have to rejuvenate things.  With my relationship, we’re at eight months strong and I still like her a lot.  I only say “like” because its part of a dating ideology that I’ve developed in tandem with family tradition and the film, “Shenandoah.”  In this movie, Jimmy Stewart’s character is advising a to-be husband on the dynamics of marriage.  The young man is asked, “Do you like her?” which he responds, “We’ll, I love her.”  Stewart’s character defines the difference between like and love and contends that “liking” precedes “loving” someone and it is significant because liking someone enables you to persist through the dark times in marriage.  Yet I digress.

               The best part of today happened when we went to the park with her child mentee because of the drive to the park; it was about an hour roundtrip.  There is something about being on the road with someone.  Maybe it’s the silence, or the close proximity with whoever you’re riding with, but whatever the case may be I’ve had some of the best conversations with people while driving.  If only gas were cheaper, I’d drive more frequently because it’s quite relaxing with the company and all.  I have one more day before I fly out to Arkansas, where training week awaits me.  I’m more excited about meeting the other interns then I am the events and lecturing.  Then again, you always have to go into these things with an open mind, hoping that it may be different and not a waste of time.  Overall, I’m more excited about being at my site and leading others in spiritual and community development.  Until then, I patiently await for my journey to lead me to Hamburg.

Pre Internship Hospitality

6-10-11

In the days preceding my flight to Arkansas, I was invited by my friends John Brennskag, Bryce Donald, and Clay Greeley, to stay in their apartment.  The accommodations were plenty and appreciated. Thank you, guys.  Their hospitality and the beginning of this journey have inspired me to write about my travels into a foreign place and the people and lessons that I will experience throughout the summer.

Today I woke up in a warm, comfortable bed in the garage in my friend’s apartment, with my few bags and possessions placed against a wall.  It is a humbling feeling, to wake up and realize that I am living off the grace of someone who is kind enough to give shelter and that everything I own can fit into a suitcase; I could get used to such simplicity. My friend’s hospitality reminded me of God’s grace, how we are radically dependent upon it and how freely God gives it.  I could be like one of the thousands of people in America without a job, stressing out about how to make ends meet.  I could be like one of the millions of people who are born into poverty out of chance.  Even though I cannot explain why I have received this blessing, I am thankful for the experience of being privileged and how it has taught me to give to the people who are not as fortunate.