Possibly the last GBGM Blog- May the Lord be with you

As the sun receded below the horizon, the light changed to a pinkish orange and the temperature changed to a relaxing cool breeze.  An exceptional farewell from the state of Arkansas, the place where I have lived the past summer searching for Christ while ministering with Hamburg’s youth.  This journey has been filled with times of excitement, disappointment, humility, and hope.  I can’t believe that I have become attached to Hamburg, but I know where I must go.  I must seek new opportunities to make disciples of Jesus, the sacrificed Son which holds true life and knowledge, and to meet new faith companions.  May the Holy Spirit guide my feet and help me to know the difference when I need to act and when to listen.

Concerning spiritual matters, I’ve learned that God’s time is not determined by my will.  As a Christian, I hear that all the time, but there’s a difference between knowing and walking the path.  My expectations for my ministry at the youth center were not met, but my knowledge and plans are foolishness in light of what God plans and knows.  My best moments this summer were when I accepted that my plans were futile, and that I needed to focus on every individual child that I met.  Sure, social injustice still exists, but a seed of hope has been planted so that these kids may break free from their predicament of poverty.  If I were here longer, I would have liked to begin uprooting the weeds of oppression that asphyxiate progression and self improvement. 

That is another lesson I have learned.  I deeply wish to stay somewhere more permanently so that I may develop fruit.  I’ve become too acquainted with severing brotherly relationships, saying goodbye to relationships that could grow to be mutually enriching and advancing of the kingdom of God.  This will be my goal in the following semesters and summers. 

Concerning my partner, Samantha, I don’t think I would be nearly as happy and enlightened if it were not for her guidance.  I’ve learned what love truly is, it’s a gift from God where you are made better then you possibly could be, through the grace of God, and by preparing yourself for it.  Through our journey, we’ve become more intimately acquainted with our fears, our dreams, and with God.  This was done through prayer, holding each other accountable, and reading scripture more often.  I deeply missed her and I also learned the importance of having time and space from each other. 

Other personal developments I’ve made include me becoming more acquainted with reading for pleasure and writing.  I can’t say my writing prose has improved, but blogging has been good practice and I feel more comfortable writing at longer periods of time and writing more content.  I’ve been more creative with spending my time, and broken through some of my limiting neuroticism, I feel more confident and filled with life.

Some things that I regret are that I did not realize sooner what needed to be done in my internship.  I wasn’t prepared for this kind of humility, patience, and flexible which has been required to do social justice work.  Perhaps there is no way to prepare for this. 

I know I am leaving on good terms with my employers and church community, therefore I am thankful.  I know I have inspired some of the hope deprived in this community and that is a remarkable blessing which I will pray for to continue and grow. 

I’m still processing this experience, which means I will cherish these memories for the rest of my life.  Wholeheartedly, I recommend that someone break free of the typical, assumed roles of youth ministry.  Don’t just host a Sunday school class, host a kickball game, get to know your youth and meet them where they are at.  Submit your expectations, and expect that God will be with you in your conversations where-ever you are.  Expect it, reflect on it, and pray for it.  Remain vigilantly faithful, for the Holy Spirit is still at work in an ebbing society.  There is much work to be done.           

Discerning gangsters and the relativity of change.

Fortunately on this Fourth of July I did not have to work unlike many other workers, including those that made my lunch at Subway in Hot Springs.  I had never heard of Hot Springs and I wasn’t expecting anything fancy because so far Arkansas hasn’t led me to believe that anything city-like exists out here.  I had a wonderful time learning about the Hot Springs’ history for being a sanctuary for leaders of various gangsters and politicians (is there really a difference?), visiting their national park, and spending time with the Moore family and Brennen.  There was a lot of history at the gangster museum that I was completely unaware of.  All of the well-known gangsters such as Owen Madden, Frank Costello, Alvin Karpis, Al Capone, peaceably retreated to Hot Springs along with their rivals, seeking rejuvenation from the rumored hot water baths from the geothermally heated springs.   Interestingly, when these people would leave Hot Springs, they would return to their dirty business of putting death hits on each other.

 It is fascinating that many of these gangsters lived lives orchestrating organized crime and yet were reported by many non-associates to be people of good character and some were known to considerably develop their communities.  You couldn’t leave the tour without some form of appreciation for these people, even though they committed heinous crimes, they were still people.  They were people who had compelling stories, with families whom they love; they were people with the capacity to be good neighbors.  I guess perhaps that everyone deserves a chance, but aren’t there times when evil has to be eliminated for the greater good?  This is a classic pacifist vs. just-war theorist question and I don’t intend to answer or attempt to answer it at this point in time.

Moving to the latter part of my visit at the Hot Springs National Park center and tower, I enjoyed the refreshing breeze above the tree-tops which softened my face and lifted my “spirit” into peace.  Perhaps, there is something empirical to be said about the outdoors. A psychologist once shared with me that people exhibit drastic cognitive patterns of change in the outdoors and that “outdoor therapy” has been effectively used on people with ADD.  Whatever the cause, I thought to myself, “Hot Springs was once a bustling town of crime and corruption and now is a mere tourist locale.”  Time is ever passing and everything we know and value is a grain of sand in the continuum of human history.

Trying to make a difference in the world seems foolish from a vantage point where you realize how small you really are.  There are so many people who seek power and to make an impression in the world, but in less than a century, what do the people of their future remember?  I find myself asking the same question for myself, what difference do I make?  Will the people I “plant seeds” amongst even remember me?  Maybe not in their explicit memories, but perhaps I have left an impression amongst my friends and other people to seek a God which commands us to freely love, to vibrantly seek truth, and to challenge the enslaving comforts of our world.  This hope brings me joy and inner-peace in troubling times. 

Living through the way of God is the only meaningful existence I have found this far in my life.  There is nothing I can do to change the world, there is everything I can do by listening and following the voice of God to form the world through the Holy Spirit in the short breath of life that I carry in my life.  By my life’s end and I lay my eyes to a final rest, I will anticipate awaking in a recreated world where Christ’s body has finally redeemed all of creation where all war and calamity will no longer exist, where differences amongst people and indifference to each other will have disappeared.  But life is not an end, it is a means to being reborn, to become anew and restore hope to everyone, including myself.

Getting away is imperative in our age of constantly needing something to occupy our time and spirit.  How much would we benefit from addressing our weaknesses through the sanctuary of a quiet space with God?   This I will continue to dwell on and enact change from, please keep me in your prayers and continue to seek the love in the midst of suffering and patience in the midst of strife.       

Spiritual Respite

The following post is irregular for my writing style and also unique due to the fascinating experience I am living through:

How often do we intentionally create moments of bonding with the people that we have the fondest memories with?  For me, the answer is not enough and the fundamental truth is because I let life live instead of living my life.  How often do we give in to sinking into a couch that can relax the tensest of muscles, or some other sedative vice, instead of practicing discipline life?  How often do we put a foot down on the neck of our fears and explore something we’re curious about?  For some, this isn’t even a problem, but for so many others like myself there is a need for growth, a void that misdirects us from our natural sense of equilibrium with ourselves, the world, or the transcendent.  There is a thirst that can never be quenched with the world and its shallow promises of happiness and takes a life-long-journey to experience. 

For me, I really wish I could be with my family and go hiking with them.  I don’t know how long I will have my parents, or how often I’ll be able to visit my brother.  Every day swiftly transitions into the next, where the potential moments of love, understanding, and memories disappear like tears in rain.  Every day is an opportunity, no matter how constrained by responsibilities and requirements, to open our heart, mind, and soul to God, to others, and to ourselves.

Our identity, our perception of who we are is framed with culture, mores, expectations…programming. Even through the finest of modern enrichments, there still seems to be something that is yet to be explored and experienced through intentional yet un-expectant curiosity.

So basically, there are some things that I have had on my to-do list for a while and I will take them with the spirit of exploring and submission of expectation and open my heart to God.  Is there something you’re afraid of, is there a dream that you have forgotten to exist? 

1st Day Reflections

               At first, I felt awkward as one of the only white people in the presence of a primarily African American youth group, but as I saw my brother Brennen interacting with people different than him, I found the courage to take a chance.  It began with baby-steps, making small talk with a pair of youth at the pool table and then I joined a group of girls in a game of Uno at a booth and after that I joined a group of boys in some basketball.  Something stirred inside me and I found myself having the ability to tap into the language and the humor; I found the common human element.  Perhaps this is the effect of my accumulated experiences with diversity and tolerance for it, perhaps this was purely the power of the Holy Spirit.  Whatever it was, it worked because I could tell I was receiving a considerable amount of respect from the group.  I noticed this during our “God Moment” when I could gracefully quiet the group when someone was sharing their thoughts, which happens often with youth.  To be honest, I feel my heart going out to these youth and this community.  I saw the barriers in their lives by just interacting with them but during our program, I could see beautiful, un-oppressed, and empowered adults with the capacity to change their worlds.  It was similar to seeing a butterfly creeping to the outer part of its cocoon; sheer awe.     

Things we did well:  Elephant Man Game… Building rapport with the youth.  Discussion on expectations for the center, themselves... given it was expectedly quiet.  Thank the volunteers

Things we didn’t do well: Some of the kids weren’t following the rules to the point, we didn’t close on time, we didn’t utilize the volunteers in our “God moment,” some even left at that point (they felt they didn’t have anything to contribute).

Things I wish we did: 

I wish and hope that we can guide these youth in inquiry (something resembling the Socratic method) about themselves and their community.  Often Brennen and I don’t give feedback to kid’s responses or continue the conversation.

Orientation is Almost Done!

The past few days have been occupied with visiting groundbreaking ceremonies for community development centers, visiting Central High and learning about the Little Rock Nine, seminars, training, discussion, and team sharing so that we will serve each other in the coming months.  I wish I could have blogged my thoughts while they were still fresh, but I don’t think it’s possible at this point.

Summarily put, we’ve discussed Esther’s example of sacrifice for the glory of God (in her case it was something as extreme as her body) and the unstoppable power of reconciling love that we called to be a part of.  The overall impression for me from the past few days is that justice work is something we are called to, but as individual churches, we are weak in.  Every church needs to learn that to minister change; we have to work with others in order to have mutual partnership and understanding.  There’s a GBGM commercial showing at UM conferences all over the country that captures what I’m talking about. 

Today however, we started in song with “Amazing Grace” and “This Little Light of Mine” which was a welcomed addition to our routine.

  Next, we had a preacher who is black speak to us about racism, which surprised me; usually I see white people dominating that conversation.  The finer points of this conversation included that in actuality, we see race regularly, and it isn’t something we can claim to be immune to.  Furthermore, we should seek truth in love.  In non-church language, this means we need to be honest and admit our prejudices through long-term dialogue and intention community building.  It is almost noon, but for the rest of the day we are having seminars and then eventually a grill out. 

Our group is tired, we haven’t had much time to freely socialize, and several of us want to go to the pool or just get out of the hotel.  Tomorrow is our sending out day and I am saddened to be leaving the community that has become so tightly-knit.  Each one of these people embody how the church should be, it should be intentional, it should be radically challenging and transformative, and radically loving. 

I have changed from this experience by being instructed to be humble when acting as a leader, seeking the Holy Spirit through silence and faithfulness, and to represent Christ by having an overflowing inner well as described in the story of the Samaritan woman.  Transformation also occurred in our lives specifically through community and sharing.  Such fellowship makes us aware of our weakness and through that comes empowerment.  In Hamburg, I plan on following the model of intentional community, interactive dialogue, tackling the difficult issues of injustice and following with action, and integrating spiritual disciplines in my life but also in the life of larger community.

Signing Out,

Koontz Corner

Day 2 of Orientation: Urban Ministry and Intense Discussions

For the reader: I have been intensely preoccupied and I doubt I will get a blog in every day during orientation.  Thanks in advance for your thoughts and prayers.

    

     Today was rough for me.  But before I get to that, let me tell you about how the day started.  We briefly discussed the intern’s choice to give into people who are psychologically and emotionally demoralizing.  This could take form in someone who is weary from working at a site, someone who has given up, or someone who overvalues control.  These situations aren’t guaranteed to happen, but it was helpful to have an idea of what to do in a bad situation.  We have been asked to form a foundation of scripture, defining moments in our lives, and goals for ourselves as Christians, in order to overcome such challenges.

The rest of the day was dedicated to our ministry with the children of BCD. I can’t tell you what BCD stands for, but essentially it’s a community development program for at risk adolescents.  You can try to prepare for something you’ve never experienced, but you’ll never be fully prepared.  Walking into a room that resembled a not-so-nice cafeteria, we met the adolescents of BCD and things were quiet and slightly awkward for a small amount of time.  Four other interns and myself were responsible for planning activities with a small group of teenagers.  The night before, we formed an activity schedule and it sounded AMAZING, but only 30% of our activities were a hit; it’s a step-by-step process, we’re not going to get everything right the first time.  Even though the first day wasn’t a complete success, I took joy in knowing that I have grown in inter-race relations through this experience and I will continue to do so.  This skill is important because as a body of Christ, we’re pretty segregated.  If there is any hope to achieve our full potential as Christians, the new subtle-racism has to be confronted and multi-racial communities must be sought out. 

               On a sociological note, we were informed by a lecturer that the GI bill which boosted many veterans from WWII with prosperity through access to resources, was only given to a handful of African American soldiers.  I haven’t checked the validity of this, but if true, it would provide a highly plausible reason for why you don’t see too many rich African Americans.  I guess why I am mentioning this is that we have to consider why injustice exists, what events started it.  A lot of people think that giving resources to people of economic & social disadvantage is socialism, but I think that the rich are just scared of a competition.  There may be other reasons for racial economic disparity, but I have a hunch that my previous rationale has quite a bit of truth to it.  A few more classes in politics and history probably wouldn’t hurt.

               My favorite part of the day was dinner, because my colleagues and I shared in several deep conversations.  The topics included but were not limited to ecclesial authority, homosexuality, sin, pre-marital sex, and other conversations which are often held captive in the recesses of our mind out of fear.  I’m not like many of my contemporaries; I value the church’s statements on homosexuality over my own weak rationalizations for why homosexuality is permissible for membership and ordination.  Many people don’t agree with this because our culture demands equality for homosexuality, but as a Christian I hold precedence for the body of Christ and its wisdom, over cultural expectation.  That is not to say however that church and culture shouldn’t be in dialogue, Tillich pretty much covers that in his correlation method.  The reason why our conversations were great was because we healthily expressed our frustrations while also respecting others wisdom and input… God how I wish that happened more often.

Flight to Little Rock

Weather widget set to Little Rock Arkansas...check.  Bags loaded to under fifty pounds... check.  Printed itinerary...um..  CRAP!!!  Always, always, always, always bring a printed itinerary to the front desk at the airport.  I thought that I could just state my name and bada-bing-bada-boom, things would be ready.  Boy was I wrong.  Make you have your flight itinerary with flight numbers, times, locations etc, otherwise you make the process longer and you may be embarrassed like I was.

Never have I ever flown by myself, I've been on several flights on mission trips and vacations but those were always a group function.  Like most  things, its something you get used to over repetition.  As I watched other travelers pass by, I thought that I could have been like one the traveling businessmen, as my father was, but that lifestyle doesn't seem too appealing to me.  The lonely nights in generic hotels, the long hours on the road... all for what?  I'm not knocking these professions, in fact I'm crediting and admiring their endurance and dedication to their trades.

Surprisingly, Subway still holds its five-dollar foot-long in the airport and I have proof (see attached photo)!  This company has been doing a monthly foot-long special and this month is Chipotle chicken.  I had mine on flatbread and tomatos, a fine quality sub-wich!

Samantha and I were both slightly melancholy at the terminal, not because of fear but out of happiness.  I hope that everyone remembers to pray for guidance and spiritual renewal this summer.  Take your little brother to the pool, have a movie night with someone lonely, and do it out of love for God's creation.  Amen!